Newsletter 5: Travels And Nightmarish Visions

Foreign lands and scary reflections of the past.

Hi everyone and welcome to another newsletter!

As always, this newsletter provides exclusive video, photography and written content of an obscure, erotic, dark and sometimes nightmarish nature. Themes of which I love to explore in short manageable bursts through mini-films which I produce, write and edit.

Thank you to those of you who donated via Ko-fi and Buy Me A Coffee – I’ve also got some new material on Ko-fi so please check it out when you have a chance.

And for those new subscribers on here, hello and thank you!

GETTING AWAY

I decided to go abroad for the first time in while, and although it was a risk, I ensured that I took all of the necessary precautions before hopping on a plane.

Whilst I love traveling, I often find it takes me a long time to unwind as being in foreign terrain tends to ignite ideas, stories, visuals and cinematic possibilities…every filmmaker’s cravings and habits!

Let’s just say creating little clips or look book folders on my phone is a favourite pastime.

I managed to visit quite a few places in Portugal, my favourite time was twenty-four hours in Porto where I celebrated my birthday when the clocks chimed midnight! It was quite magical and I was lucky to celebrate with other travellers too.

Walking back to my hostel which was an old wine cellar apartment, I came across some interesting haberdashery shops, a street party, and back streets that reminded me of a Giallo film. I made a little movie that captures some of those themes on my trip.

HOTEL ROOM SAVIOUR FILM

In my last newsletter, I made a film called ‘Severed Ties,’ which came about as a result of processing loss and working through my grief.

This month, I was thinking about the role people play when someone close gets sick. Every circumstance is different, but I also know from experience that sometimes, as much as we love someone, caring can be a burden.

I know that naturally, I’m a caregiver and I’ve done this unconditionally to those close to me. But there have been a couple of occasions where being the caregiver wasn’t a choice, and came unexpectedly with no way out.

I decided to make a film, based on past/old experiences where for a short time, a hotel room was my saviour, and away from a toxic environment. Although a lot the film is fictionalised, I was able to draw upon raw memories to create this B-movie-esque piece. Thanks to performer Neil Blackburn for this collaboration.

Here’s the piece I wrote below:

She left and ran.

Just kept on going.

Didn't look behind her nor in front

Into the embrace of the cool room that would be home for a while

Pristine whites and soft sheets

LED lights and card slots for power

Running hot shower, the luxuries of survival 

The running haunted her sleep

And struck her with nerve splintering cramp

Tossing and turning on the memory foam

Where was her compassion?

She'd left him at the house suffering 

Withering in his sickness

Furious at his negligence 

Tormented by his enduring demise 

Running water, washing sins away for a moment

His cries for her to stay

All she did was run

Soft trickling water upon skin

Filth down the drain

She thought she was running away

When really she was running towards

Hopes and dreams

What could've been if she'd left

Through guilt, there was a future

But staying was death

As sickness dragged her down

BACK IN MODELLING ACTION

I’m really happy to be back modelling again, this time for Dark Hearts London alternative make-up and fashion brand. My bestie Sammm Agnew was doing make-up and as usual, created some beautiful looks on all of the models. We were shooting with photographer Tina K who’s known on the metal/rock/horror/alternative scene.

I shot a behind-the-scenes film also which you can watch on my blog here.

Thanks for reading this week’s newsletter and please share with others and subscribe!